the diarist

This is not a blog to be tossed aside lightly.
It should be thrown with great force.

(MY STYLE BLOG IS OFFLINE WHILST I TWEAK AND EDIT IT. COMING SOONISH).                        

    

Yours Truly.  ”It used to be very simple; you were poor, you got ill, and you died.” – Alan B’stard

As Edina Monsoon said famously in the British television series Absolutely Fabulous, “Inside of me there is a thin person screaming to get out.” Of course her mother tartly replies, “Just the one, dear?” … there I go forth in bloggery. How dull, yet another woman obsessed with her weight and with food. But I’ve decided to battle my self-destructive tendencies and lose weight, find some sort of balance in my life on a visceral and a cerebral level. Much like the fictional character Edina, ”I’d just once like to take my clothes off and not be marked by them…” 

I have a degree in creative writing and literature and I am working on starting my own docu-style photography business. I study mostly on my own, take a few classes and do freelance work, building a portfolio and saving up for equipment upgrades. 

Sometimes I think in this internet age of social networking sites and blogs I am merely a list of likes and dislikes. I’ve made so many. I do feel there is something missing, there is some spark I let go a little too dim, with all my melancholy refusal to own up to the fact that in between all the good things there’s been pain strong enough for me to avoid at all costs. Strong enough for me to get back deeply into the food and mind games and jeopardize my health in a serious way with the weight. I’m tired of playing a victim until I turned into one. I never would’ve done that before. What happened to that tough kid from South Boston not afraid to be vulnerable once in awhile? We’re getting reacquainted. The old self, the new self, the ever changing. Who says there isn’t another chance for metamorphoses? 

I’m from New England, not Merry Old. I used to have online diaries from late early 2000 until 2004. A friend finally convinced me to start writing again in a blog format, which I find more interesting than the standard ‘diary’. I started this as a log for my weight loss. I didn’t write for so long because I thought if my life wasn’t chock full of constant adventure and glowing insights why bother writing anything at all? With a certain level of anonymity instead I find writing about the everyday, the some times mundane, about my thoughts and experiences, about my past I’ve tried to push behind me, I’ve had tiny little catharses along the way. So what the hell? I have a degree in creative writing and literature, I might as well use it for something besides obscurely published fiction and too many book purchases on my credit statements. This is my cocktail party conversation, magnified. Some entries may be light and smarmy, others may be full of uncomfortable subjects I’m forcing myself to discuss in the open to understand myself better and to perhaps let go of some things I have realized I have hung onto for far too long. I’m still young, but I’m old enough to know…

Audrey Hepburn, style icon, especially in that jejeune Givenchy tailored suit and cap. I am a taste-maker, I love vintage and retro fashion, I love classic, clean lines and Audrey’s signature styles remain chic into the 21st century. I am also a sucker for the French chic of Paris and the Italian bella figura of Rome, Tuscany and the Amalfi Coast.  I also love interior design. I have a house near the seaside I bought last year and my husband has been wonderful in allowing me to basically decorate it with my newfound flights of fancy. One of my dreams growing up was to have a lovely house and that dream was realized last year. 

I have a particular liking of all things Greco-Roman. Art, history and culture excite me. I collect and yes, read, every book on ancient Rome I get my hands on. The ruins are a great draw for me on my visits to Italy. I never tire of wandering around Pompeii or getting lost on Palatine Hill or swimming through the hole of Tiberius’ cave.

Art is another reason I will go wide and far in any city, town or country. I have chased Artemisia Gentileschi, an early 17th century Florentine woman artist, from Florence to Venice to Rome to Naples and in between. I’ve also followed her to other countries. I’ve seen about a dozen paintings of hers so far, some repeatedly. I would love to see all of them one day. The private collections may be something of a problem! I have been fortunate enough to see some of the greatest masterpieces of the Renaissance and countless other periods including another favorite of mine, early 20th century modern, across the world. Italy is a country where you can nip into a small, dark, ornate, ancient church and see aCaravaggio or a Michelangelo  just like that! I also love the cafe life of Italy – I can have a bona fide British tea in Rome at the same tea house Keats or Shelley sipped tea or go the same cafes great poets, writers, thinkers, and artists imbibed or poured espressos down their throat and watched the passersby. 

 

Italy, a country I fell for years ago. I’ve been there six times in ten years. I particularly love Rome. I love traveling, especially to Europe. France, England, Belgium, the French West Indies, the Yucatan Peninsula, St Maarten/St Martin, Bahamas, St Barts, and several key places in the United States – Chicago, New York City, New Orleans, Los Angeles, Phoenix, There are so many places I still want to visit. I go to New Orleans twice a year… it is a city full of life, with the balance of joie de vie and death, darkness and light, with the most amazing jazz music and food and gorgeous cemeteries and antique shops and southern gothic charm. I’d love an apartment in the French Quarter some day. Done up like some bawdy Storyville, sumptuous Paris apartment all rolled into one.

This list is not finished, more will be added as I blog.